never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
