Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
