Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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