I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
