i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
