just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
