i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
