I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
