Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
