I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
