things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
