The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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