So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
