I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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