she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
