He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i've created a new STD.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
