I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
