Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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