If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
