is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My breasts were aching with rage.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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