Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
