I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
