i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
