Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
barbara walters just said penis...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
