I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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