Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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