your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We had sex on a dog bed..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
