you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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