He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
