My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
