He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
