I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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