i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
