my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
