You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
