i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
