all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
