the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dick very happy bro
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
