I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
