i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
