i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
