okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
