You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
