Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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