operation have a gay friend backfired
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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