there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
