Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
