You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
