Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
