I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
