she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
