her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
