my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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